Saturday, April 25, 2009

A Macaw?

I always fancied myself a hummingbird, but it makes all kinds of sense. I am loud.

Today, the loud saved me.

I wasn't doing too good. A lot of the angst I have been feeling toward my boss exploded today when she got mad at me over something pretty trivial. The way I served something was "completely inappropriate." (The customer had expressed that this way was one her preferred.) And so after she harpooned me, and then made me apologize to the customer, who at this point looked more than a trifle uncomfortable, as he told me that it wasn't a problem, and he tried to tell her- Whatever the case. I went into the backroom to make the sandwich he ordered, and I felt the face swell that comes before full on sobbing.

"Don't cry." I said it over and over, aloud. But I did. It wasn't sobbing, or weeping, just hot heavy tears streaming over my cheeks. This happened in the first hour of my shift, and pretty much killed any hope I had to be perky and sweet.

I like to be sweet with the customers, and when I don't feel it, I can't be. I think they can read that I am being wholly sincere, and I think they appreciate it.

But after work, I just wanted to collapse in bed and sleep, but then I realized I had some errands that had to be run, so I got on my bike in the cold, freezing rain, sort-of hail, torrential downpour, and I ran them.

I almost fell asleep before I had to be at the theater, but I took a cab and got there just fine. The show was good.

Now I am awake.

Tomorrow I am having coffee with Paula, which will hopefully not be nearly as awkward as I am anticipating. I miss her.

I fell in love with a chord last night.

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