Monday, June 28, 2010

fire and abandonment

are things i am desperately afraid of.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I woke up on my birthday at 7 AM, because my body wasn't going to stay asleep. I dozed until around 8:30 when I had to wake up for work. I planned out everything I was going to wear, and I did my hair and I looked pretty snazzy by work standards.

I walked into work, where, by the way, I was actually excited to be on my birthday, and I saw balloons, and flowers, and an old co-worker who I adore but had moved away. My boss gave me a bag with presents, and I only had to work a shortened shift. One of my regulars gave me a ten dollar tip because I said I was going to an expensive martini bar in Andersonville, and I need to remember to write him a thank you card.

When I got home I realized that I had about an hour and a half before having to go to lunch with Spen and my mom and so I took a bath with the luxurious aromatherapy things my boss got me for my birthday, and watched things on John's netflix.

Lunch with Spen and my mom was pretty good. I got cheese fries. After lunch Spen and I went shopping with my birthday money and I got all kinds of shit.

I was really into writing this earlier, then I took a break, and now I have other things on my mind. So, that's all, for now.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


happy birthday to me.


happy birthday to you.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Dear Please-Fuck-Off-But-You-Never-Do, (an open-ish letter)

If you bullshit me to my face one more fucking time, don't expect me to be as nice about it as I have been every other time.

My malice is easily quelled by my frequent honesty. I don't lie to you, so I would appreciate it, if you would kindly do the same.

However, if you find this too much of an imposition, please fuck off and die.

My bullshit tolerance is about ankle high and your superficiality and need-to-please runs you about as high as my neck and I could not be more done with it.

I must politely insist you return to the hole from whence you came.

Always Respectfully,


In other news, I turn 21 on Thursday, and whatwith my total lack of inertia to drink, ever, that will be mostly anti-climactic, except for this great dress I got.

My new boyfriend is a gem, a total gem, and I can't get enough of him.

So, that's what's new.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


i puked today for the first time in 12 years.

it was horrible.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

All 100 of My Heartbeats

1. the soft pull
2. the snicker
3. the smile lines
4. the warmth
5. the rest
6. the early rise
7. the peek
8. the wide eye
9. the new sheets
10. the blank page
11. the loaded gesture
12. the arrival
13. the crawl
14. the chin-up
15. the velvet voice
16. the whisper
17. the bathroom
18. the stillness
19. the electric quiet
20. the dream-come-true
21. the tip-toe
22. the late-night lonely
23. the heavy lid
24. the worry
25. the eyelashes
26. the swell
27. the heavy breath
28. the relief
29. the check-in
30. the rip
31. the good-hair morning
32. the recognition
33. the find
34. the task
35. the post-procrastination success
36. the not-enough sleep
37. the crystal clear stare
38. the pictures by the bed
39. the lost weight
40. the ride
41. the gift
42. the surprise flowers
43. the day in day out
44. the care
45. the 1 Day Fun Pass
46. the putt
47. the money spent
48. the worth-every-penny
49. the foot-taste
50. the monday date
51. the boy
52. the grin
53. the rested-wake up
54. the problem solving
55. the measurement
56. the mac and cheese
57. the hand hold
57. the stale smoke
58. the acoustic rocket
59. the quiet sun stream
60. the heaviness of guilt
61. the no-regrets
62. the Shakespeare
63. the soundtrack
64. the date-night
65. the chilly walk home
66. the blue light wake up kiss
67. the spin
68. the alley
69. the grab
70. the 3rd time not such a charm
71. the stolen, quiet kiss in stained glass
72. the answered question
73. the almost-no-cigarette
74. the soundscape
75. the laugh-in-face of bad day
76. the impending bath
77. the thought of you
78. the no-nag
79. the ton-of-bricks idea
80. the found text
81. the soup
82. the made-it-through
83. the run-in
84. the pretty feeling
85. the sister
86. the alone but not lonely, for a while
87. the nap
88. the text
89. the apple
90. the "ohmygawdiwantastole"
91. the no-cling
92. the always second place
93. the will never be her
94. the acceptance
95. the nice chat
96. the clear blue
97. the light rain
98. the busy
99. the paint stain
100. the completion

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dr. Worm?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

how you feel

irl, y'all

i am in-a-rela-tion-ship


look at all those hyphens.

i'm giddy.

right now I am just sitting, just, sitting, and i feel like i am on the wave swinger at navy pier, all over again, and it's this, and it's you and it's pretty nice, truth be told.

anyhow, more later, without a doubt.

No doubts.

It won't always be this easy, or this lovely, or this effortless, but the work will be worth it.