Takin it back

I have tomorrow off, so I can caffinate myself all night and sleep alll day tomorrow.

Work this morning was wonderful, once I got going.

I got a 20 dollar tip from a regular who doesn't usually tip because I changed the Pandora station from James Taylor, which was playing a lot of Billy Joel, to Simon and garfunkel, which played no billy joel, thank goodness.

I am seeing my favorite band later, that played their first show at the Metro on the day I was born, june 24, 1989.

I got a good boyfriend.

I'm washing my favorite dress, and then my hair, and then getting some food, and then setting out for the night i have dreamed of forever, SP with a dreamy boy.

Also, fuck, my hair is getting long.



I have so much hair!

Also, I realized the extent to which Spenser looks like a Disney Prince, which is adorable.

I love my job.

But honestly, I do not understand why someone else gets a day off, when I asked for the day off, and she makes me work first thing in the morning.

I don't. Get it.

So I am a little cynical this morning, but smashing pumpkins tonight.

SMASHING PUMPKINS TONIGHT.

I don't even care that he smokes.

That's a lie.

I care a little.

But today I didn't care.

Taste of Lincoln Ave. weekend is one of the hardest weekends at work. It sucks. It's horrible. It's nothing but drunk people and everyone at work is really tense and stressed, especially me.

But after one of my longer shifts ever, he came over.

I was sitting in the living room, watching Food Network, and he asked me what my plans were for Tuesday night... uh, I don't know... None?

Then he asked if I wanted to see the Pumpkins at the Metro...

What? No way.

He said he was serious, and I did not believe him, and then he showed me the e-mail that said he won 2 tickets in the last minute raffle for Smashing Pumpkin's tickets at the Metro. He won. 2 tickets. Smashing Pumpkins. They have been my absolute favorite since I was 12. They were one of the first things he and I bonded over.

I shrieked for about 15 minutes. I couldn't believe it. This boy, this dreamboy was taking me to see my favorite band, on TUESDAY. My heart was pounding. Several tears were shed. I am still humming.

He is good to me, very good to me. And sometimes we fight, and we disagree and have misunderstandings, things that never happened with John. But being with John was easy because there was nothing at stake. Spenser is someone I want to keep.

Not just for the things he does for me, either, but because he is so appreciative of the things I do for him, and he acknowledges them, and me, consistently.



This is this morning. I was elated when I took this picture, and this was before my hard day, and before my tickets. This is just everything I ever wanted, asleep in my bed.

Sing Song Bloggity Bored

I have been working in the morning. 8 AM. Those hours are unheard of to me. I hate it, mostly. But then I have so much day light. It is confusing to me.

I am writing a song for the first time in a while. It feels good to sing sometimes.

I am feeling deeply fatigued, and will probably take a nap in a minute.

As it happens, I have likely become very lactose-intolerant which means that everything I love to eat I can no longer eat. No milk, cheese, ice cream, it's hell. It's complete and total hell. I am going to take a fucking Lactaid because I want some fucking cheese fries later.

Also, for all the ladies:

The shaving cream that this company makes, is literally a dream come true. It is like nothing I have ever used before and I will probably never use anything else again. It costs about as much as any brand shaving cream, but is completely glorious. I am obsessed with it.

This heat is oppressive. So I am going to go take a bath and shave my legs.

I'm going to go dancing some night sooner than later, when Spenser works late. I am curious, and I need exercise.

12 days until Spenser and I leave on the Amtrak for Nebraska.

Gosh.

Monday, Monday

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Dear Oh My God, Are You Kidding Me?

Calling me over an hour in the morning (early, unforgiving morning) before my shift starts to find out where something went, on a day I didn't work, is horrible.

How the shit should I know? Call the fucking idiot n00b, who is probably at fault.

I am so very tired.

girls, girls, girls, haunting me

Not you, though. You don't haunt me anymore. I don't know if you ever did, really, but it was a fun feud while it lasted. He said we had a lot in common, which always scared me because I never wanted to end up how you did, with him. But it also made me wonder how many of my ex's were dating girls that I have a lot in common with, and if we could have ever been friends, sort of. I don't know. One of the many problems I encounter is how different I am from my peer group. My friends, my true, good friends, are all usually a minimum of 3 years older than me. The girls I find in my grade or within a year of me, with VERY few exceptions, are all so false, and hip, and cool, and they are collectors. Maybe it's the community I am in. I don't like the girls that feed on being liked. I just want to meet real people. I need to get away from this city for a while.

You, though, a different you, you haunt me. The amount of times a week I say that I hope you die young makes me feel like a horrible person.

A girl that I have encountered recently, in the context of a situation where I have to deal with her, aka, a co-worker, literally makes me want to scrape my face off. She acts so indignant when I try to correct her, but the fact is, I have been working at the shop for 3 years, she has been working for 3 months, and I know what the fuck I am doing.

I can finally listen to songs and watch movies with the name Molly without getting sick at my stomach, and I can thank Spenser for that. My loathing for one of yous no longer stems from the same place, but now it is just a point of how false you are. Spenser is real.

I don't appreciate being lied to, which is another reason you, not a girl, make me not want to be around you. Your enthusiasm is suspicious and I not only doubt it, entirely, but it also makes me think I have no idea who you are, which doesn't bother me, I don't think.

John and I saw Twilight last night, as we have seen the other 2. I think for him it is so much for the laugh of the teenage melodrama, and for me it starts that way, but I get so into it and by the end I am gasping and near tears. It makes me feel so young, and so stupid. But I will be damned if people try to deny how fucking gorgeous Jacob is, I mean seriously, those shoulders? Yum.

John will always be important to me. I always used to fear resenting the person who took me away from him, but I began to fear I would resent John if I didn't take this chance with Spenser, who is so different from anyone.

We are having lunch with my best friend today. It will be nice, I think.

Anyways, this is mostly to say, "sorry" for all the shit and all the nonsense, to the first you. I hope your birthday was a truly spectacular as mine, and that this year for you as looking as good as mine.

I am taking my first trip with a significant other, in august. We leave in less than a month, taking the train. I feel like an adult. Maybe I am. I don't know.

bloggity blog. cryptic you's, Maybe I am not an adult after all.

temptation

i want to delete my facebook.

i just need a break.