Saturday, April 25, 2009

A Macaw?

I always fancied myself a hummingbird, but it makes all kinds of sense. I am loud.

Today, the loud saved me.

I wasn't doing too good. A lot of the angst I have been feeling toward my boss exploded today when she got mad at me over something pretty trivial. The way I served something was "completely inappropriate." (The customer had expressed that this way was one her preferred.) And so after she harpooned me, and then made me apologize to the customer, who at this point looked more than a trifle uncomfortable, as he told me that it wasn't a problem, and he tried to tell her- Whatever the case. I went into the backroom to make the sandwich he ordered, and I felt the face swell that comes before full on sobbing.

"Don't cry." I said it over and over, aloud. But I did. It wasn't sobbing, or weeping, just hot heavy tears streaming over my cheeks. This happened in the first hour of my shift, and pretty much killed any hope I had to be perky and sweet.

I like to be sweet with the customers, and when I don't feel it, I can't be. I think they can read that I am being wholly sincere, and I think they appreciate it.

But after work, I just wanted to collapse in bed and sleep, but then I realized I had some errands that had to be run, so I got on my bike in the cold, freezing rain, sort-of hail, torrential downpour, and I ran them.

I almost fell asleep before I had to be at the theater, but I took a cab and got there just fine. The show was good.

Now I am awake.

Tomorrow I am having coffee with Paula, which will hopefully not be nearly as awkward as I am anticipating. I miss her.

I fell in love with a chord last night.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009



Goodness gracious. I saw 17 again and Zac Efron might as well have been a Backstreet Boy, and I might as well have been 10 years old because golly-gosh, I was swooning. I haven't swooned that hard and with that little mercy in a long time. It's a good thing John is in NY, I'm telling you that.

Tomorrow I work, and then have my first Gymnastics Class. Suffice it to say that at the very least I am mortified. I don't know what to wear, or if I will be strong enough, or if my feet will be killing me from work.

My boss has been breaking my heart lately. I feel like I always have to walk on eggshells around her. Nothing I do is good enough. She doesn't understand that she opened a coffee shop, it's her passion, what she loves, but to her employees, it's a job. It's a great job, a job I generally look forward to, but would I rather sleep in, in the arms of my wonderful boyfriend then wake up after not enough sleep and go to work where I am afraid if I do one thing wrong, I will be picked on (honest to God, she will make snotty, snide remarks)?

Yes. I would rather just have money, and not have to work. I would rather be a clown, or in a circus, or in a play, or a Neo-Futurist. I would rather not be mocked for being honest.

But... I digress...

On to better, less unfortunate things:

I am a cat lady in training. This is Pouncer and I in our synchronized cuddling act.

I'm a weirdo.

Monday, April 20, 2009

So, We Meet Again & Other Happy Stories

At 12 or so, I was in some way or another introduced to the Weetzie Bat books. I loved them. I read them all, and I knew the characters and stories well. I loved them, Weetzie, and Dirk and Duck. I loved My Secret Agent Lover Man, and I think it would be entirely worthwhile to read them again, because what I recall of them, he is like John, in some ways, brooding and more quiet, a compliment to my colorful wild.

In any case, characters in books, especially in series books, become like friends. You become invested in their lives, and it feels good to know their story, that they're well.

A while back I bought a new book, by the same author. Notsomuch YAFiction, but a continuation of Weetzie's story, in the new book she is 40, after having been twenty or thirty and at some point the series shifting to her daughter(s).

I loved Witch Baby. I love their silly names and the beautiful purple and blue soft focus, covered in glitter, half fairy tale. I can't describe it.

I keep two pages from the book in my wallet.

Other happy story?

I saw a girl get, "The best phone call of her life" on the train today. She looked radiant and was giddy and bouncing, and tears were welling in her eyes.

One more: The rain felt good tonight.

Tomorrow: 17 Again, because for some reason, it's the only movie I want to see right now.

Friday, April 17, 2009


I didn't do it. I am been busy. Or lazy. Blog EveryDay in April just didn't happen for me.

Monday, April 13, 2009


Easter was anti-climactic. It could have been tons worse. Not the church goin' type, my family stayed in and cooked. When it came time to eat we did say a prayer, and reflected upon how truly lucky we are to have what we had. And maybe it was just ham, and mashed potatoes, and asparagus and tiny little cup cakes, but it could be nothing. It reminded me of Eliza's play at too much light, that life is like the Grand Stop on the red line, always late and under construction.

I love my city. I love Chicago. I got to take a little walk after lunch, before I had to go to the theater for the show tonight, and I took a good long look at the purple house with the green and gold trim, the one where Billy Corgan used to live, but had some fire on the inside in the last few weeks, causing the windows to be boarded up. I thought about the walls you could see from the outside, through the windows, and how they had been completely obscured by pictures in frames. That's how I want my house to be someday.

The show was pretty great, too. Megan gave me all the old clothes from the suitcase she found, and I am going to wash them tomorrow. I assessed their size, and a lot of them will be too big, or too awkward, but there's this beautiful white dress with a green pattern that will fit me just fine, and two of the dresses are perfect smock cut/size. They probably were smocks for the little old lady to whom they once belonged.

John gets back from LA tomorrow, and then we get to watch the Doctor Who Easter Special.

I missed him something fierce, and he missed me, which made me feel good, because he has expressed that he might not miss me during the times he is away. He is a weird guy that way.

I finally figured out the last line to the chorus of the song I have been trying to write, so maybe that will get done soon.

All in all, not a bad day, but I have a lot to look forward to.

I met a coder for YouTube at the show tonight, and told him that I am an avid watcher or YouTubers, and that I was not pleased with the supposed layout change, relegating user content to the background, and he told me it probably wasn't going to happen, anyway. So, here's to hoping.

My foot just fell asleep. I ought to take a hint.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

New plays

Jay Torrence has a new play in Too Much Light that took my breath away. The spoken part was gorgeous, and heartbreaking, and then when he tips the ladder and falls, there is just a stillness and quiet in the theater, and my hear is broken in half. It is a beautiful image.

The funny plays were funny, too, but Jay's play was like the quiet sympathy you have for a friend who just got dumped by a long term S.O. It's surprise and fear.

I have been talking to John's sister, Jeannie a lot, lately. I like her so much. I am excited to go with her and Levi and John to see the Pirate exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry.

John comes back from LA on Monday, after having Easter with Dino. That should be... interesting at worst, exciting and terrifying at best.

My anchor is having trouble again.

I just typed out "Play." for no reason.


Thursday, April 9, 2009


Sunday, April 5, 2009


It was amazing. It was truly, beyond great. I had a good day at work, it was busy, and I got lousy tips, but I had a blast. I then got to go to Chipotle, with John, and we got mm mm tacos. I have dreams about them.

I left my bike my the Chipotle, and now the weather is HORRIFIC. All the worst parts of rain and snow, cold slush falling from the sky. I need to pick it up tomorrow. I hope she's still there. I don't think anyone would steal a bike like Sheila.

In any case, Too Much Light last night was pretty good, not the best I'd seen. I still love Megan's suitcase play, and it's great to see Mary again.

Today, the weather turned into bullshit, and I almost didn't make it to work on time. John leaves for California on Wednesday, and I am working like a madman all week. My feets hurt already.

Now I am ready to curl up and sleep with my kitty babies.

First, some crosswords.

Good show.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Bad Day

April 3rd, from the very start, was not good.

1. Cracked, more like, shattered the glass screen on the iPhone.
2. My checks that I deposited have not yet completely cleared.
3. Accidentally slept way, way later than I would have liked.
4. When I sent in my registration for Circus School, the form I sent, although I sent the filled out PDF, arrived blank, and so I had to send it again.
5. Miscellaneous Fees in my bank account?!
6. Not doing anything on a Friday night.

I feel like I need a good cry.

Today was ridiculous. John is good at cheering me up. I really wanted to see a movie tonight.

Lame. I want Chipotle tacos. Right now.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

For Serious, Guys.

There is something REALLY wrong, really, very wrong, with me. The trouble, you see, is that there are new bus ads, the the sides of the buses, that are all LED lit, and very VERY bright. The trouble begins, for me, personally, when the bus is driving by, and a very bright blue light shines in through the store's front window, and my first instinct?




Not even a joke. There were customers in the store, and all of a sudden there's a blue light, and I am down on my knees behind the counter, thinking, "Holy shit! Aliens! I am going to die!" I began to think that I might have seen things, so I peek over the counter and see Mary Poppins, complete with umbrella and carpet bag, on the side of the bus, in the light. It was beyond embarrassing.

In other news, either here, or on YouTube, or on my other blog, (which is more or less also about my days, only... from the perspective of me after I experienced something that might have killed me. It's an odd little writing project I am doing. So, no matter what I write, I will always put a link to it here. Cool? Yes? Maybe?

A lot of the people I watch on youtube are doing the BEDA/VEDA business, and while I assumed they'd be Vlogging, I was inspired by Haley G. Hoover to do write. I love to write, and sometimes I feel like I only ought to write is I have something to say, so maybe I will find I have more to say than I thought. Cool?




Let's make some sense around here!

I gotta go to work!

So, after work!

Let's do BEDA!


I got this.