out brain spot feet hurt

Deer Shoe-sock,

You ache and you know me so well.

I might be taking my future into my hands, pretty soon, via a real live man.

I am crushin' pretty hard on someone that isn't John, and is 21, and is funnier than all hell, and makes me feel really pretty, and important. Not that John doesn't make me feel important, because he does, he really does, especially considering all the calls I watch him screen and all the time he spends working, the fact that I see him as often as I do is a Christmas miracle.

But Chris is a different kind of miracle. That may be extreme. It is. He is new, and exciting, and I really want him to stay that way.

I find a lot of the same ease with him as I do with John.

I just love talking to him.

All my cards are on the table.

I don't know what to do.

I have never been so torn. I feel like I am leaning one way, but patterns tell me other things will happen.

I don't want to believe in patterns.

I want to believe in happy things, like this moment, when my heart explodes with light and silliness.

Today was an INCREDIBLE day.