Thursday, February 4, 2010


The social "thing" has never come easy for me. I don't know if it's autism, or if I just think too much, or what, but it's a problem.

I feel like I try so hard, and nothing ever comes of it.

I am so eager and willing and I would do anything.

I am no butterfly.

I am mostly quiet, and still, and anxious, and emotional or something.

But you, you filthy, gorgeous, skanky, perfect princess. I hate you. You're nice, and friendly, and prettier than me. You breeze through these situations like they are the air you breathe and I could literally sucker punch you with my sweaty anxious fists.

I wish you would go away.

Please go away.

Maybe it should be me.

I hope I get the part in the play.

I need something to think about other than how I feel so left out among the people I spend the most time with.

I don't fit in. I am a baby. I don't want to get drunk and climb trees. I have never wanted to do that.

I don't belong anywhere

The thing is, every once in a while I think about this:

"i will never be a part/i will always be apart"

as a tattoo. But it's so defeatist and I hate that attitude.

Who am i kidding?

I hate everything.

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