Friday, October 23, 2009

I ain't no poet

I am half trapped in this pretty abysmal sort of situation. I haven't felt this way about someone since Elisa, so maybe that wasn't love. I feel like such a child when I am around you. I blather and my jaw gives out. I smile like an idiot, and stare. You half smile, shrug, and dismiss me. I think you are cooler than cool. I feel like an idiot for looking in your direction, in the half hope you might say a single word to me. I don't want to kiss you, it isn't lustful or sexual or even emotional, but it's like some twisted big sister thing. Everything you do is absolutely flawless to me. You shit sunshine. It's preposterous. I just want you to give me the time of day. Maybe I am idolizing you, and if we got coffee one day, I would find out about your humanity, and I wouldn't feel this way. Maybe that would be a good thing. I don't know. I don't know. But when I read your blog, girl, I just get more and more enthralled by you.

I had the most magnificent morning.

I ate a well balanced breakfast.

I should have gone to sleep a long time ago, but I really like the Revolutionary Road soundtrack, and I would really like to have a good cry right now.

Damnit MM, one of these days...

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