A new beginning, finally.

I went through all the stuff, all the pictures, everything, I took everything out of the box, and read it, and appreciated it, and let it go. I loved Eli, so much. He put so many good things in my life, and I am who I am because he loved me, and because I loved him. I didn't cry, and I didn't want to be with him again, I just remembered the good, and had good hopes for the future.

At least for now, the present, holds Dave. He is absolutely incredible, and I haven't ever wanted to make someone smile more. The way he smiles and laughs makes me feel so good. I just adore being around him, and he lights me up. He has a handlebar mustache for halloween, and he is just the cutest boy I have ever known, and his sense of humor and his sweet smile, and almost everything about who he is entirely compliments the way I am. I feel like that 2nd grade girl who sees a boy in 5th grade who is so cute and so out of her league, and then one day he says hi. Thats the way I feel when I am around him.

so, here's to old things, and new beginnings, I hope they stay. <3

co

Velociaptors

I am one.

So are you.




If you're a velociraptor, I'm a velociraptor.

mmmjamestaylor.

Just kidding. MmmModernEnglish.


So. Dave. What's up? You aren't reading my blog as a type. That's cool.

Whutevs.

I got nothin. Sorta.

-co

Someone I've Never Met

But I have been thinking about semi-regularly. I don't know.

I just found my livejournal.

I used to be weird.

omfg.

I am going downtown tomorrow if it kills me.

kthnxbai.

Where does the good go?

So I am in this situation, that sometimes, I like a lot more than others. I don't like being a secret. At all. Like, not even a little bit. It's not something I find thrilling, or exciting, or sweet. It makes me feel like I am something to be ashamed of, which I most certainly am not. At all. Seriously.

So. Fuck that.

Tomorrow I am going to get all schnazzed up, and go shopping downtown.

It will be good.

Just kidding.

I am itchy. And hungry. so. hungry.

sigh.

that is all.

<3co

Consolation

I console myself with the loudest music I can find. The angriest, or saddest, or most FUCK YOU IN THE EYE kind of music. Not fuck in an angry way. Fuck in an empowering way. You know?

I like it though. I like rocking out and what not. It feels good.

More later, I promise.

<3co

What the hell Aidan Sigman?

You used to be smart.

Ice Ice

So this thing happens to me, whenever I make myself remotely vulnerable, but then shot down, I go cold. It can be a good thing, but I don't like it when I end up listening to songs like "Lover I don't have to Love" by bright eyes. that is not how I want to feel. I want to love and be loved, and I am so tired of being taken for granted. I recently got spectacular advice from an unnamed source, that I am going to do my damnedest to follow. This source has yet to lead me astray. Anyway.

It's this horrible murki-ness, and I loathe it. I miss my old familiar friends. I saw Nick Aszling today, which was a lovely trip. I did a run and jump hug which felt great, because he didn't get all weird. I like that. He is moving back to chicago. Maybe I will see more of him. Maybe then I will also see more of Zoe. I miss the twins, and last summer, and I am sure I have said that before, but I can't stop thinking of doing nothing but bake with Aidan and Zoe all night and I miss Chaucer. I even miss Alex.

I want to fall down.

Poster of a Girl

I can't sleep. It's starting to get annoying. So for the time being, I am going to listen to the Across the Universe soundtrack. Mmm. Love songs, they all remind me of smiling.

I really am debating how much I like the Evan Rachel Wood version of Blackbird.

I have not much else to say, other than I loved spending time with my mom today. and I am not looking forward to class tomorrow.

I feel like just a baby,
Portrait of a lady,
Poster of a girl.

Metric, is good.

Akward Turtle

We are alone in this room, and it's weird, because you know whats going on, and I know you don't like me, and it's really a shame. I wish we could bond over something, and being my friend would be so worthwhile, that you would forget that I like your boyfriend, and I would feel so bad about liking him that I couldn't anymore. Of course, this is a mild exaggeration, but you ought to know, I respect you, and that he's yours. Sers.

Also, the complete lack of everyone I used to know is really sinking in. I want to see Claudia, or Fuzz, but they aren't home, and Fuzz turned into something dumb. I miss him a lot, I miss our summer. Yes indeed.

I miss last summer, not to say that I am not entirely enjoying this one, but really, I miss Sarah and cutting tile, and Eli, and sleeping over with the Twins, and chocolate chip banana bread and brownies that aren't quite cooked enough, but cooked just enough that when you dip them in a glass of milk, they are wonderful and heart meltingly good. I want to do that right now. I wonder if anyone would be up for it. Probably not. Fuck them.

No, just kidding. But maybe soon. That sounds so good though, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. I miss playing the piano, and singing, I miss letting my hands dance gracefull across a keyboard, floating, yes, I miss that a lot.

I miss CAMP, and I miss Fuji, and Shiloh and Mariners. I want to be at camp, and with Munkh or anyone else I know. I want something familiar.

And I'd like to talk about this with my new friends, but that might be awkward.

*awkward turtle*

<3co