Away We Go

By "we" I mean me.

I am going to Minnesota, to Minneapolis, to visit my friend Alex.

Spenser bought me a book about drugs, to read on the plane. He bought me Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I commend his efforts on trying to get me to open up to the idea that not all drugs are horrible.

Also, I am semi-officially a cocktail waitress.

Exile is good for me.

A List of Things I Need (ASAP)

1. A lot of wire
2. Various knick-knacks
3. Picture frames
4. Wood (and tools)
5. Taylor Swift's new CD

I've got art burning in my arms.

"You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine."

Briefly

I allowed myself, for a moment only, to feel hurt by knowing she is still relevant to him. I think it may be the last time I allow myself a moment like that, because truly, no longer is it any of my business, and also, why should I care who falls for it?

I am someone worth falling for, as it happens. So there. Take that, bruised ego, take that compliment and frame it on the wall where it belongs.

The end.

Accept Loss Forever

My friend has this quote tattooed to her leg. It has always been one of my favorite tattoos I have ever seen, and I am not even really into Kerouac.

I have lost a lot, lately. But luckily bad things come in threes, and the third thing just happened, so I am free of it, at least.

New, and good things abound.

Spenser and I drove to Milwaukee on a whim. Last night we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, and baked Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies. So that has been bringing me out of my funk. He is defensive of me, which is nice.

Also, old friends are good to see again.

It's sad to me, though, how quickly some people will burn bridges. Alas, alack. I'm not embarrassed, or ashamed to admit that I feel a little betrayed by people that painted themselves as one thing, but are obviously, and ferociously not. I see my own faults, and mistakes, I admit them, I'd admit them before being confronted with them, but to be shunned by people who I have done so much for, is really unfortunate. To be cast out is not something I would wish on anyone, especially to be cast out by people you trusted.

Eh. What's done is done is done.

I'm done thinking about it.

The cookies are perfect. My boyfriend is a good person. He can be irritating, and we may argue, but he would never be malicious toward me, or toward anyone. He is respectful, and caring, and I am grateful. I like being soft, I would choose every time to be soft, and compassionate, even if it means I am socially awkward.

It took some turmoil and loss to me to see myself and like what I saw.



I like this a ton and a bunch.

Fuck All That Mess, a purge

Trust, and relationships get ruined.

It's for the better.

I won't lie though, it stings.

Fuck you very much.

Your High Horse Ain't Worth Reachin' For

Intuition is a funny thing, and so is getting face fucked for trying to be helpful, and a good person.
I've been in a lot of bad places lately, and they keys of my macbook, much like my bathtub, are becoming good and pink.
I've been thinking a lot about you, and you.
You in my dream life, and you with my ex-boyfriend.
You are both sour, shrill and exhausting.
God, I don't even know either of you.
I prefer it that way.
Anxiety gives me muscle spasms.
I'm tired, nauseous and achy.
I've needed to purge your shit anyway.

Death Sentences

Not mine, yours.

I hardly know you, but you're dying, and it's breaking my heart.

I think we're all sick, a lot of the time.

Right now it me, I am sick.

and You are dying.

Sickness and Health

I got my fawn tattoo. It's traditional style, on the front of my upper left thigh. I got a great deal and I want to go back to the same artist to get the lamb on the front of my upper right thigh, symmetry, eh?

All sorts of sickness is annihilating me.

I hate my fucking neighbors.

I feel very lonely, mostly, and tired, and sad.

Company would be nice. I want to play apples to apples, or scrabble, or cards, and just be quiet and not alone for a while.

So, for now, I am a sad sack, blogging about misery. Whatever.

Unknown - and other things

Tattoos I want:

- Modern Times ending

- a fawn and a lamb

- Maybe some William Blake something or other? I like William Blake.


I have some unknown illness which has been causing me great distress but lately I feel not terrible. Last night I held down a kit-kat and some other food. I haven't been gross all day, but I also haven't consumed much.

I want to see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World tonight, and I am putting big money on nothing being able to stop me. I want to go with John but I just may go alone. I like going to the movies alone, but this looks action-packed and funny, and I like to see those kinds of movies with people. Perhaps, though, my new tradition is to see Michael Cera movies alone. I saw Youth in Revolt alone and LOVED it... Maybe I will call Joe...

No Doubt

No Doubt songs remind me of John.

Some girls are plagues.

My motto lately, is "Make good choices."

I'm leaving in 58 hours for Nebraska with Spenser.

Don't worry, I'm bringing Small Hugs Sheep.