Thursday, June 26, 2008


It's been a while, but let's not linger.

Or dwell, so here it goes.

I told Max that my birthday would be more fun if I didn't see him, but that was not what I meant, or how I meant to say it. Apart from being entirely wrong, it was an awful thing to say at all. I am appalled at the words that have come out of my mouth in his direction.

Are the nasty things I say any different than the things I say to other people, and he just receives them wrong, or listens to them at all? I am really curious about that.

This whole Max mess is fucking with my brain. I know I can't be that awful. My chest hurts and says that he is just too sensitive, that he just can't handle the person I am, in the same way I can't handle him.

In any case, if I were forced to "say a few words" about him in any given situation, I would probably say this,

"Maxwell is without a single doubt, the kindest person I have ever known, or known of. When it was good between us, it was great. He is as smart as a whip, and really, his eagerness to help others is astounding. While I suppose, it wasn't right for him and me, I wish him the best, and I can only hope he finds a girl that makes him as happy as he deserves, and he deserves white picket fences."

Yeah. Thinking about how happy I had been, really knocked my bad mood down. Probably because at least I got to know him for a while.

But other things are happening for me to be excited about, and I don't have time to feel like shit over boys that I make feel like shit.

Good things:

I painted my fingernails black, and I am really digging it.

Alex is coming to Chicago from Wisconsin, and we get to hang out and see Too Much Light, then hang out with John.

I hung out with Nate from Pick Me Up, and tried new food, and saw the most preposterous movie of all time.

I got to play Bananagrams. (with Nate)

I got a basket for my bike.

I am one year older.

I saw Melinda.

I don't know what else.


Call It Off, by Tegan and Sara. Listen to it.

Let's find things to do.

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