I'll tell you what it is...

What is it, when your heart feels like its going to beat out of your chest, and your stomach is light and fluttery? That feeling when just an image or series of images, even, are all it takes to make this feeling occur? When the muscles in your arms and legs get weak, and you cannot keep from smiling?

...

You were there.

You've always (truly always, since the day I first saw you,) been interesting, and intriguing to me.

You are brilliant! I'm sure you know you are. But you are. Really.

Even when you didn't need to, you have always showed me such kindness. In the winter, when I didn't have a scarf and I was cold, you provided me with one, that I still have, and of course waiting around for me to pick up my phone.

Your sense of humor. You are so witty, and charming.

You are really very handsome. Dashing, is the word I use most often.

You're unusual. You make me see other perspectives, and you make me want to do things in new ways. You inspire me.

I really like the dynamic we have in the time we spend together. You make me laugh, you make me think, you make me do those things simultaneously.

...

It's love.

...

"I believe in love, no matter how fleeting or tragic. I am 18 and all I want to do is surrender."

Lifetime movies are movies, too... For the most part.

There are so many things.

Michael is blogging. I can blog too. I never blog anymore. That's not cool. I am sure my many loyal readers miss me!

I have not been liking how I have been feeling mostly, these days. There have been internal conflicts that I am downright uncomfortable with. I think though that everything will resolve itself sooner than later.

I like Luna.

That was the only thing I saw of Michael's blog. Perhaps the Smashing Pumpkins song? I like that song, also. I remember when I used to fancy myself a "Luna." and I would design cool logos for my cute little nicknames for myself. I remember in Ms. Sinclair's History Research class, I did my Luna logo really big on one of the green chalk boards.

I find myself taking sides a lot, recently, and encountering difficulties because of that. Because I want to be a good, loyal friend, especially to someone I am so, almost desperately, fond of. But I cannot help but know that sad sad feeling of loss. Not knowing what went wrong, but having it be all out of my control. I sympathize with him though. It must have been hard. That girl has the sweetest eyes.

I am only sort of coming to grips with Dave's pondering over love. I want to hear that word so bad now. I want him to tell me he loves me. He used to, now he doesn't. It is awful. It makes me feel awful.

I find a lot of comfort in even being near Michael, though. I don't know why. But When we were in his car, driving back from practice, it felt so good, when it was just me and him in the car. Not in a romantic way, but in a way where I knew if I turned and said anything to him, he would listen to me, and wouldn't judge me. He is so easy. It is fantastic.

There are so many things you wouldn't understand.

There are a lot of things I wish I could say to you.

<3